Things that make me laugh: Am I weird?

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American Creativity

Christmas Planning

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Merry Christmas to Me!

Due to the copious amount of time spent decking halls, eating goodies, and playing Santa, I will not be typing in sermon recaps until 2008. I will put in a few song lyrics and funny Christmas comic strips. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have some beef stick to eat!

November Reads

I am not a "small group guru", but I really appreciated this book. Myers made me think a bit, and that is sometimes a good thing.

***

This is just a funny little Christmas book, courtesy of Peter Copeland. He is a great guy, but people make fun of him because he is a Gamecock fan. Please pray for him. He leaves for a mission trip to Nepal this month. At least he will not miss the USC bowl game.

***** silliness factor alone

OK, little known fact: I sang southern gospel for several years, and I love Michael English and his soul filled voice. This is his story--a long and winding one--and the grace that restored him. The book is not super theological, but if you love Michael English and happy endings, then pick it up!

****

I really appreciate McLaren and his willingness to stand on the fringes. For many, he is too liberal, but they are missing out on a prime conversation between Christ and culture.

****

Christmas stress

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Sermon Recap-- No...Really!

Last Saturday, while on vacation in Savannah, GA we decided to take a diversion out to Tybee Island Lighthouse. It was about a 30 minute drive or so away from the historic area of Savannah, and we had walked all over that area and was looking for something to do. In no time at all, we were staring up at an old historic lighthouse. Sarah asked me, "You want to go on a tour of it?" I quickly said, "Why not." Upon entering the lower level, I began looking for an elevator. Sadly, there was none to be found. 178 spiralling steps awaited us, as we wound our way to the top. Every 20 steps or so, brought us to a nice window, and I always made sure that Douglas looked out at the lovely view. Truth of the matter is...I was stalling for strength. We made it to the top and then Douglas and I went out and snapped a few pictures. Sarah was a little timid of the height, but it was a good experience. We made our way back down and I was proud of my achievement. 178 steps x 2 = a lot of steps and I thought that I deserved to sign the book of lighthouse climbing accomplishment. My ego was deflated as I saw the following inscription, "Melba Jones 82 year old quadruple bypass survivor." So much for my grand achievement!! No....really, that is the truth.

The next day I felt as though someone had hit me in my thighs with a baseball bat. I wanted to call up Melba Jones and ask if I could borrow some Ben-Gay, but I was afraid that she didn't even need it after her victorious climb. I thought back to the years, not too long ago, when I would play basketball for hours, and be quite good at it. I was a little sad at the lack of shape of my body.


(A dear lady in the second row said, "See Richard, you should come and join our exercise class!) Of course, the whole place erupted!


Not only did this looking back at the way I used to be make me bummed out a bit, but it also reminded me of a craft that we did in Sunday school. Now, I am not too crafty..so please forgive me.




This is one of those little crafts that remind us of those things in which we are thankful. This Thanksgiving, I decided to look at the 5 or so things that "fill out my turkey." Mine are pretty basic things. I am thankful for Football. I know, it is silly, but it brings me a lot of joy. I watch a lot of it, probably too much. Yesterday afternoon, Douglas sat down beside me while I was engrossed in a game. "Daddy likes to watch football--but Douglas likes to watch movies." I have a feeling that he will get the bug pretty soon. We all have amusements that bring us joy. These are neat gifts--little diversions that help us get by. Food is my second feather on my turkey. I really do not think that I need to say a whole lot more here. Family and Friends are on the next feather--wow, family can be difficult at times. Just this morning, I asked someone how their trip home went. The reply, "about three days too long." I think the trip home for them was only four days. You know the funny thing, we get on our families nerves too. It works both ways. But what would life be like without out family and friends. Although a lot of life is filled with frustration, we can also recall the times when we were encouraged and helped by people that really cared about us...deeply. Fun is something else that I am thankful for. (Addressed to the lady on row two that busted me earlier) I am so glad that we laugh here. Many preachers see the sermon as their time to "speak truth", but I see it as our time to share truth. I just love the fact that this is your time too, and that we can laugh and appreciate each other! The last feather on my turkey is Freedom. We live in a country that allows us to practice our faith openly. We can worship and sing and preach and testify and wear Christian T shirts and have bumper stickers on our cars and....you get the picture. I am thankful to live in the USA and realize that many have sacrificed to give me that freedom.


Guess What? My turkey is colorful and somewhat creative. The words even alliterate--some preachers love to have alliteration in each sermon. But really, my turkey is worthless. The things that we are thankful for are all nothing compared to the cross of Christ. All we are, and ever will be is because of His love for us. The relentless, pursuing love of Christ--now that is something to be thankful for!


In the scripture reading for today, we are able to read together. I will read the first part and each of you can follow by saying, "His faithful love endures forever." Notice how God moves throughout history...faithfully.



Psalm 136
1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.



2 Give thanks to the God of gods. His faithful love endures forever.



3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords. His faithful love endures forever.


4 Give thanks to him who alone does mighty miracles. His faithful love endures forever.



5 Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully. His faithful love endures forever.



13 Give thanks to him who parted the Red Sea. His faithful love endures forever.



14 He led Israel safely through, His faithful love endures forever.



15 but he hurled Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea. His faithful love endures forever.



16 Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness.His faithful love endures forever.


23 He remembered us in our weakness. His faithful love endures forever.



26 Give thanks to the God of heaven. His faithful love endures forever.



So...for the Turkey (us) to be complete, we need to remember, His faithful love endures...forever.



Communion followed and is there a better place to focus on God's faithful love for His people?

Clemson win total by Douglas--Sponsored by Tybee Lighthouse

Clemson 23

USC 21

I was eating a turkey sandwich when the field goal went through.

"What does Turkey taste like Daddy?"

"Right now son, it tastes like FRIED CHICKEN!!"

How 'bout them Tigers!!

Myrtle Beach Turkey Prep

A friend of mine sent me this little idea about turkey preparation. Since we live at the coast and healthy living is so important, this will be our plan for tomorrows festivities. Perhaps you will want the "soon to be famous" recipe.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, and position the foil carefully? (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Smile, Laugh and eat up!

Clemson win total--Sponsored by Unconditional Love

Do we still love him, Daddy?

Son, He is wearing orange, of course we do! Dropped pass and all!

BC 20

Clemson 17

Our little Savannah Vacation

Tybee Island Lighthouse--178 steps to the top

Going Down

What goes down--once was up!

I ain't scared of no stinkin' bear!

Room with a view

Preoccupied with the potatoes at Clary's Diner

Sermon Recap: Back to the Primary (school) -- Matching

I hope that you have enjoyed the sermon series that we have been dealing with over the last few months. This "Back to the Primary" series was inspired by my time working with a little autistic boy at the primary school. There are primary/basic things that we have learned about our faith, but yet we so quickly forget.

My little fellow at school has many difficulties in learning. His educational process is filled with many baby steps followed by MAJOR celebrations. Over the past few months, he has learned to sign for a chip, a cookie, and juice. Occasionally, he even asks for chicken during lunch. Not a great deal of understandable communication is happening.

He has the ability of matching pictures. I can place twelve pictures out all over the table, and he can match each one correctly. I am fairly impressed by that, considering that a few days a week, I have a hard time matching my socks. The problem comes in when I lay the twelve cards on the table and then have objects for him to place on those pictures. For example: there is a picture of a pencil on the table, and I give the student a real pencil. He does not know that the real pencil matches the picture. He has no grasp of the concept of pencil. Matching, at a more advanced level is very frustrating for him, and me.

The new job responsibilities that have been given to Sarah and I have kept us busy lately. We are, and will continue to be the chaplains here at Apache, but there are other duties that keep us moving. Many Sundays, after worship, I visit another church along the Grand Strand. Not too long ago, I walked in a rather large local church. There were people at the door to greet me, the Worship order had a welcoming section in it, and during the announcements the Lector extended greetings as well. The music was amazing, and the sermon was warm and encouraging. After the Benediction, I exited the front door and was second in line to meet the pastor. I introduced myself, and shook his hand. After a lukewarm handshake, he abruptly cut off the opportunity for dialogue and went to the next person. I had the feeling that he REALLY had somewhere he needed to be, and my wanting to meet him was just something that he HAD to deal with.

The kicker of the whole event was that I received a form letter from the church the following week. I will paraphrase the paragraph that made me laugh!

"It was great to have you in Worship this past Sunday. Next time you visit, find the pastor and introduce yourself to him. He would love to meet you. We are a friendly church, and YOU are important!"

You know, things just did not seem to match up, as they should.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

Paul urges the Bride of Christ to an imitator, a copy, a close match--to the way God loves.

Compare the way I was treated by the Clergy man, well-educated, carrier of a Doctorate, and wearer of a Genevan Gown to the event that happened to me--less than one hour ago.

I have a few vices. One thing--I love to eat! As if you did not know that already! One of the other vices that I will disclose to you is that I love coffee. I visit a Starbucks at least 5 days a week. This past week, they began the Christmas marketing season, and are featuring a Christmas Blend that I do not like. It is spicy and fruity and I just do not care for it. I like my coffee bold and strong. Kinda like the cowboys make in the campside peculator. (Laughter from the congregation) There is a super friendly young lady behind the counter there. Her name is Jordan. Today, I was trying to figure out a way to get a cup of coffee that I would drink. I asked for a decaf coffee with two espresso shots. She asked, "Why are you doing that?" I explained my dislike for the Christmas Blend, and she listened.

"If you have a few minutes, I will be glad to French Press you some." Now, for you non coffee aficionados, that means she was going to take the time to make me an individual cup of coffee. She took 7 minutes to take care of me. On this Sunday morning at 8 am, she took the time to make sure that I knew that I mattered. I was important, and welcome to come there anytime.

I have no idea if she is a believer in Christ. She may not even like her job. But on this day, she was a minister to me. That cup of coffee and the Holy Spirit have empowered me to preach to you today. I needed the caffeine and the ending to the sermon. Isn't it interesting how God always provides us just what we need, when we need it.

This week, I am going to share this sermon with her and encourage her to keep blessing others. Service to others often opens up avenues for conversation. I am really looking forward to that!

Are we going the extra mile? Or do we treat others as if we have somewhere more important to be?

The question for me is: Do I give that Pastor another chance?

The answer is: Did Christ give me another chance?

We all have times where we disconnect and are so inwardly directed that we miss the divine chances to dispense grace to hurting people.

When my little guy at school messes up his matching, we start over. Sounds gracious to me!!

Closing Prayer:

Father, please keep molding us and making us until we are images of Christ Jesus, our redeemer. We have wronged others, and we have been wronged. Teach us to forgive, serve, and begin again. Amen

Clemson win total-Sponsored by Starbucks

Clemson 44

Wake Forest 10

"Daddy, Who is leading the Heisman race?"

"Son, it looks like whoever is playing the Gamecocks that week."

Last Week--McFadden sets SEC record for rushing

This week- Tebow 7 Touchdowns

My sesame street personality quiz--Surprised?

You Are Ernie

Playful and childlike, you are everyone's favorite friend - even if your goofy antics get annoying at times. You are usually feeling: Amused - you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won't play with you!

http://www.blogthings.com/thesesamestreetpersonalityquiz/

Clemson win total--Sponsored by Ratchet and Clank

Free Poster from GameStop--Super Neat surprise for Douglas

Clemson 47

Duke 10

"Dad, Look at #5 from Arkansas running all over the field."

"Douglas, we might as well look at him, that is all the Gamecocks are doing."

McFadden 323 rushing yards

Felix Jones 174 rushing yards

WOW!!

Sunday Morning Recap--Easter Followup

This past Easter, we took up a missions offering for three college students. They were each taking part in mission trips to different parts of the world. Tasha Sutherland, gave a recap of her time in Uganda.

We have committed to sponsor her, as after graduation, she will be beginning a lengthy mission term in the Dominican Republic.

Enjoy the pics and the website!

www.amanibabycottage.org

Calvin and Hobbes--The best comic series ever.

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October Reads

Making Sense of the Church by Spencer Burke

My good friend Peter gave me this book. He likes USC and I thought it would have a lot of pictures in it that needed coloring. It didn't and I liked this book. Usually I read books and pass them along. This one will have a place on my shelf and will make new friends and see me naked daily. Unless Peter wants it back. **** 4 stars

Through Painted Deserts Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road (Paperback) by Donald Miller

I loved "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God knows What" was my favorite read this year. So, I bought this book. I went into Barnes and Noble and paid FULL RETAIL for it. Guess what? I did not like the book. I read about half of it and just could not get into the mood. Maybe I need to read it while on a road trip, while someone else is driving. ** 2 stars

This is another of the postmodernist books I have been reading. I think I have 2 more to read, but I am going to put them off for a bit. Seems they all are saying the same thing. Valid points made--but not really super fresh and inspiring for me. *** 3 stars

Mealtime Habits of the Messiah 40 Encounters with Jesus by Conrad Gempf

This is not a book about eating like a Jew. It is a great group of narrative accounts of the life of Christ and his interaction with "unclean" people. Great book and I am searching for another of his books, "Jesus Asked." **** 4 stars

Clemson win total--Sponsored by Halloween Express

Clemson 30

Maryland 17

"Daddy, I cannot see the Gamecocks in this weeks BCS poll, but I see Clemson."

"Seeing is Believing, Son. Seeing is Believing."

Sermon Recap--Unmasked

This week our worship area was decorated with black drop cloths and spiderwebs. Many Jack-o-Lanterns, ghosts and ghouls were on the walls, as well as a few Vampires, werewolves and Frankenstein monsters. The previous night was our annual Halloween Bash at Apache, and with another event on Wednesday--the decorations had to stay up. I decided to work the sermon around the decor. Here is the attempt:

It sure looks a bit different in here today. Actually, I have never preached in such an environment. I have been in churches with million dollar Tiffany windows, preached in some with clear windows, preached in places where one other person understood English, but never have I preached in a place decorated for Halloween. Last week, after the sermon, Carl Van Zandt reminded me that this would be the decor. I decided that it would be a good idea to use the season of Haunting and Witches to teach a point or two that we all need to hear again.

The church does a great job of telling people the things they cannot do. No drinking, No smoking, no cussing, No Harry Potter, No Rock Music, No Mexican Food (I think I heard that before), No this and no that. No Halloween...it's demonic and all that jazz.

Instead of boycotting this stuff of werewolves and vampires, today I wanted to look at Halloween as a metaphor for life and the games we play daily with ourselves, others and God.

What were some of the things you dressed up as as a child? (Answers were: princess, cowboy, cheerleader, ghost, witch. One man said that he dressed up as a girl scout troop leader and another man had dressed up as Salome. Never would have pictured that one!!)

Today, I have brought a few masks with me. Pardon me while I slide one on. (Place Spiderman mask)

When I was a little boy--I just loved Spiderman. In fact, I still do. Sliding this mask on makes me want to fight the enemy and jump up on this table and spin my web. One thing that I loved about Spiderman was the fact that when trouble would come he would always know it. His "spider-senses would tingle" and he would be able to avoid the issue most of the time. We all want to be something. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be special. I wanted to be anyone except Richard, and that is a shame.

Ladies still try to be the princess. They want to be beautiful and desired and noticed. Little girls want to be lovely and that is often emphasized more than intelligence. Sad, but look at the boom in cosmetic procedures in the United States. We are just not satisfied with who we are.

The second mask I have today is.....(Unveil Zorro eye covering).

That is right, I wanted to be Antonio Banderas. (Big Laughter)

As a little fellow, I would lay in bed and watch my black and white T.V., and this sword wielding man would carve a Z in the pants of the bad guy, or in the skirt of a lovely lady. Now, he was cool. I never understood why no one figured out who he was, since only his eyes were covered. He even had a cool voice and was super mysterious.

The mask that we use the most is the mask of ....(unveil blank face mask).


We hurt, and we keep it in. We are dying inside and the outside is a blank smile. This mask really shows the fear that we have of being authentic, real, not fake...true to ourselves.

This morning Rudy Cogle sang a familiar song for us during our offering time. "When He was on the Cross, I was on His Mind." Amazingly powerful, grace empowered words..."He knew me, yet He loved me." Now, that is the gospel. Good news for mask wearing cowards like us. Christ sees through our disguise and loves us still.

All this stuff around us trying to scare us, not just boogers and cobwebs, but heavy stuff like wars, and disasters, and murder and poverty and drug addiction and much, much more. What is the word of God for his people today. I struggled with several passages, but I just kept coming back to a verse we will look at again during the Advent season.

Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be for all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

So familiar--I know it by heart, but yet at times, it is as if I never heard it. As I say it again, allow it to move you and cast away those things that are scaring you today.

Fear Not!! For Behold...I bring YOU!
Good News that will be like no other.
It is not just for you, but for all people.
This day, God wraps flesh around himself and comes near.
He is your rescuer, redeemer, and hero.

So, take off the masks and walk in the light that casts away the darkness.

If you care to try on these masks before you leave, then come on up. I just ask that we leave all our masks at the foot of the cross today. That is where evil has been conquered...now and forevermore.

If I were an M&M...

Forgive Me

No sermon recap this week due to lack of time for typing. I will be better next week, maybe, perhaps, hopefully.

I do want to let you know that we had 178 people in Worship Sunday. All I can say is "Wow!" It is great when 2 people show up to worship--it is tremendous when 100 people more than you plan for show up!!

Please check back, the recaps will pick back up next week. Please check out the prayer list--we have many sick people here at Apache and in our extended community.

Clemson win update by Douglas-Sponsored by Grands bisquits

Clemson 70

Some directional school 14

Have you heard about the new ride at the South Carolina State Fair?

It is named the Commodore Surprise. You start out High and then sink like a lead boot! Who knew Lionel Richie's old group was so talented?

Vandy 17

USC 6

Fortune Cookie from Saturday

*** God looks after you especially.

Yes, because I surely need it!!

Sermon Recap-Back to the Primary (school):Unclean

Over the past month or so, I have come to a jarring realization. Three year olds are just nasty little creatures. I just do not recall Douglas being disgusting as a little one, but I realize that often parents are jaded. This is similar to the fact that all babies born naturally look like trolls. I was so proud that Douglas did not look like one--until I looked back at his baby pictures. There looking back at me was a little troll. But at least he was my troll!!

I see from the looks on your face that you may not agree with me. But each morning as I walk into class, I am greeted by kids around a table with food all over their faces and in the floor. After they finish eating and are cleaned up they come forward to the carpet for the "formal" instruction time. Kids sneeze and stuff flies everywhere. When you and I sneeze, we have great decorum and control. A three year old handles sneezes in terms of the Richter scale. Green stuff goes flying and ends up on the person beside them and in their hair and all over everything.

Then we have dirty diapers, and then lunch. Lunch is extraordinary mess on a grander scale. Then we head to the playground. This week, the child that I shadow started licking the playground equipment. Yuck!!

The scriptures talk a good bit about clean and unclean. Today, we encounter a crazy, unclean man and a story that is hard to forget.

Jesus Heals a Demon-Possessed Man

Mark 5:1-13

So they arrived at the other side of the lake, in the region of the Gerasenes. When Jesus climbed out of the boat, a man possessed by an evil spirit came out from a cemetery to meet him. This man lived among the burial caves and could no longer be restrained, even with a chain. Whenever he was put into chains and shackles—as he often was—he snapped the chains from his wrists and smashed the shackles. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Day and night he wandered among the burial caves and in the hills, howling and cutting himself with sharp stones.

When Jesus was still some distance away, the man saw him, ran to meet him, and bowed low before him. With a shriek, he screamed, "Why are you interfering with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In the name of God, I beg you, don't torture me!" For Jesus had already said to the spirit, "Come out of the man, you evil spirit." Then Jesus demanded, "What is your name?" And he replied, "My name is Legion, because there are many of us inside this man." Then the evil spirits begged him again and again not to send them to some distant place. There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby. "Send us into those pigs," the spirits begged. "Let us enter them."

So Jesus gave them permission. The evil spirits came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the entire herd of 2,000 pigs plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned in the water.

This story is filled with uncleanliness. Jesus was in a "Gentile" village. Non Jewish people were considered to be defiled. Jesus met a man filled with an evil spirit. Possession was also a sign of being unclean. The demoniac lived among the dead. There were tombs all around him. You guessed it, another sign of uncleanliness.

Jesus cast out the demons into swine--UNCLEAN creatures!!

As you came in today you were given a rock. The demoniac was so numb to life he would cut himself with stones. This may have been the only time that he actually felt alive. He had no interaction with normalcy. He was uncontrollable, unliked, unkept, and unclean.

The Gospel impacts his life. On this day, God in the flesh passes through and he is never to be the same. In Christ--he and we are new creatures. We are no longer unclean-for God looks at us and sees the righteousness of Christ.

The demoniac did not need to beat himself up any longer--he was changed. This raving lunatic that had been the talk of the town was still the talk of the town. Now however, it was for different reasons.

Now you would think that the crowd would have been overjoyed to have Christ in their midst. He had cast out the demons of the town loon and maybe life could now return to normal. Instead, the crowd asked Jesus to leave the town and leave them alone. Hmmm, isn't that odd.

You and I are healed, redeemed and freed from the shackles and chains of sin. We have a new purpose and mission in life, but so often forget that we are FREE. Look at that rock in your hand. Today it represents those things that are holding you back from being free. Do we dare choose to keep cutting ourselves with the rock when Christ beckons us to give it all to him.

In sixth grade at a talent show at school I sang a song before the crowd. I have no idea why I liked the song so much. But looking back on it 26 years later, I can appreciate the words more and more. In fact, I think the demon possessed man would appreciate it too!

Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
And are you tired of spinning 'round and 'round?
Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus lay them down

Chorus:
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrow into joy

Verse:
He never said, you'd only see sunshine
He never said, there'd be no rain
He only promised a heart full of singing
About the very things that once brought pain

Repeat Chorus

And He will turn your sorrow into joy!

Today when you leave this service, I want you to take that rock and chunk it far out into the ocean. Feel it leave your hand, watch it spin and fly through the air, and hear it splash down into the surf. Jesus wants you to give Him your fears and doubts and sickness and broken dreams. Remember that he has move our sins as far away as the East is from the West. Cast those problems into the sea of Forgetfulness.

Now, I do not want to look out and see you trying to find the rock in the bottom of the ocean. Once you give it to Christ--let him keep it! When you think of it this week--remember, it is gone! You chunked it, he grabbed it and you carry it no more. Those rocks are heavy, but Christ gladly takes them--because they are burdens of HIS children.

**Great conversations and prayers after the service. It seems that many were freed today. Let's pray that they keep it that way.