Ambiguously Clear

Today has been one of those odd, off kilter, never quite feel at home in my skin, days. I came home from work and flipped through the channels on the Boob Tube and saw Jerry Springer. I usually do not watch this show, as I save my brain cells for things that are important, such as South Park, The Daily Show, and Sports. However the title of this episode of Springer made me wonder if I was really alive. The title was..."I was a Lap-Dancer for the CIA. " In high school, when I was taking the assessment to determine my potential career paths, or areas of interest...I would have loved to have had the option of Lap Dancer for the CIA. I guess the teachers felt that I was not equipped for this important task for my country. Great...now I have guilt over my lack of...er..patrioitism.I seem to notice oddities. Instead of half-full or half empty, I seem to see the finger print on the side of the glass. In Wal-Mart today, I saw a fiber optic Christmas toilet seat cover and I tilted my head. One...who thought of this? Two...who would buy it? I guess those ladies that wear those festive holiday sweaters. I don't know about you, but nothing makes me festive like a toilet seat cover that lights up or a lady with a reindeer bouncing across her chest. Whatever makes 'em happy...I guess.Last week when we were unpacking our Christmas stash. Our son pulled out his Fisher Price Nativity set and placed it on our table. He placed each part, as he wished them to be, and left them as a reminder of the activity of God. After our halls were decked, and our eggs were nogged, we glanced down and were amazed. Neatly arranged was a worship scene from the heart of a child. I wonder, if you see yourself here...as I do? The lamb is in the picture, but seems to be a little out of place, a little timid, a little afraid or unsure of this babe in the manger. Today, I am that Lamb, as I am in the area of worship, but still feeling unworthy. There are sooo many struggles that grasp and choke, that take my focus off Christ. I wish that I could remain focused, but I am often miserable. I preach faith, hope, and love..but I practice doubt, fear and hate. As I struggle with my worthiness, I am reminded of the love that Christ has for me. In his shepherding, He leaves the 99 to come and get me. He wraps me up and leads me back to the fold. As he places me in the pen with the unlocked gate, he says...I am the One that makes you worthy. It is not what you do...you are wearing my brand, my name is upon you. I have bought you, so rest here for a little while.